Lest I Forget...

My husband picked up a video camera at a friend's garage sale the other day. We now can watch all those home movie videos which he wore out the old camera taking. The lion's share of the video time is devoted to Christmas and Birthday celebrations that have somehow faded from my memory. Imagine my surprise to see a much younger me, eight and one half months pregnant wearing a beard (a dish cloth tied around my face bandit style), carrying a black bag full of toys over my shoulder calling ho, ho, ho's to a crowd of over excited children. Did I really do that? I plead temporary hormonal insanity! What a wonderful reminder it is to me that all those years of parenting were not only laundry, dishes, cooking, and worry, but surprises, singing, silliness and carefree moments. Needless to say, I dreamed about my "babies" last night and woke with the sweet feeling of having been loved.

Something else I noticed in those videos was I called my husband, Tom, "honey" several times. It's been a really long time since I used this endearment in reference to him. Not only do our memories fade, so does evidently, our affection. Do I still love him? Of course! But where is that comfortable affection that used to flow so easily between us? What do I need to do to change that situation? Maybe I'll just try calling him "h-h-honey" tonight. Yikes! It used to be so easy!

We still have several of those video cassettes to work our way through over the next few weeks. More Christmases, Birthdays and sorrow tinted family reunions centered around the loss of a child, my mother, my father and my brother. But these bittersweet memories deserve a place in the family archives as well and help me remember those I really never want to forget.