A rainy Sunday afternoon is to be savored like an expensive bottle of wine--not that I've ever had an expensive bottle of wine, but I can imagine. that is why I am sitting here at my computer instead of snoozing in my oh-so-comfy-bed. My mind is still littered with wedding images reminiscent of the way wedding "leftovers" litter my whole house. Maybe if I write them out I will be able to move on and quit succumbing to the weepiness that threatens to overcome me whenever I think about Kristen's and Josh's beautiful moment.
The preparations were totally exhausting for everyone and we were all alternately short tempered and loving. We just never knew what to expect from the other person or ourselves. And as I sat on the front row, on the left, I found myself totally in denial as I watched my two beautiful daughters, Jolene and Rosie walk down the aisle looking like Greek goddesses along with Tori and Malinda. And then at the back door, standing with her father, was my lovely Kristen. I had told Masha, after going to several dress fittings, Kristen looked even more beautiful in her gown than Audrey Hepburn ever looked and it proved to be even more true at that moment. I can't remember if she even glanced my way--I think not--she only had eyes for the young man who had captured her heart months ago, and I kept telling myself, "This is it, this is it, the moment we've all been working toward," and I suddenly felt a great sadness. I leaned toward Tom and whispered, "This makes my heart hurt," because I actually felt a physical sort of tearing taking place in my chest. He looked at me with a look that made me know he hadn't understood what I had said, and I couldn't say it again without sobbing, so I let it go. And somehow I knew he was dealing with a ripping in his own soul.
Joy and pain are often so closely related that we cannot separate them. It is like the bone and marrow talked about in Scripture which can only be divided by a Divine sword. They mingle and separate alternately leaving us exhausted and wondering which way is up. A birth of a child is a messy pain-filled joy, the mournful relief of the home going of an elderly parent puts us in a tail spin, and the marriage of a beloved daughter brings gladness as well as sorrow to our hearts. But we know we would never change a moment. The joy will slowly overtake the sorrow and I will bring my basket-case emotions back to center and life will begin a new normal for all of us...until the next lovely bride stands at the back door (Jolene), and the roller coaster ride begins again!
